Sorry but regretless.

I know, but that's it.
I realize that I've done things that may have hurt somebody.
And to have done it with my conscience screaming in me at that time, I'm sorry, truly I am.

But, sorry as I am, regretting is not the same.
I can never regret what i did; I can't say no to my heart.
I can't change how I feel, and neither can I control it.

I have no excuse for what I did. My actions are the results of what has been done upon me.
I don't want to blame; everyone knows their own repercussions of their own actions.

As much as I don't want to hold a grudge against you.
I guess I'm still not over the past.
I can smile, laugh, and be crazy as hell wants me to, but there's not a even single day where I went without thinking of that.

Everyday is like waking up to the same old nightmare.
Every morning I'd have to check myself whether I'm breathing or not.
Every time thoughts of that time comes, I feel like ripping off my mind from my body.
And every moment i spend feeling like this, I want to kill myself even more.

But even though i feel like this, there's not even a single thing I can do but just give up.
Even though you are not my best friend, a friend is still a friend; I should respect that.
I hope if you are reading this, I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but rather your understanding.
This post is meant to clarify things about me and what I've done but by no means of to justify my actions.
I'm sorry.