I know, but that's it.
I realize that I've done things that may have hurt somebody.
And to have done it with my conscience screaming in me at that time, I'm sorry, truly I am.
But, sorry as I am, regretting is not the same.
I can never regret what i did; I can't say no to my heart.
I can't change how I feel, and neither can I control it.
I have no excuse for what I did. My actions are the results of what has been done upon me.
I don't want to blame; everyone knows their own repercussions of their own actions.
As much as I don't want to hold a grudge against you.
I guess I'm still not over the past.
I can smile, laugh, and be crazy as hell wants me to, but there's not a even single day where I went without thinking of that.
Everyday is like waking up to the same old nightmare.
Every morning I'd have to check myself whether I'm breathing or not.
Every time thoughts of that time comes, I feel like ripping off my mind from my body.
And every moment i spend feeling like this, I want to kill myself even more.
But even though i feel like this, there's not even a single thing I can do but just give up.
Even though you are not my best friend, a friend is still a friend; I should respect that.
I hope if you are reading this, I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but rather your understanding.
This post is meant to clarify things about me and what I've done but by no means of to justify my actions.
I'm sorry.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Burnin' August
It's time to burn.
There's been through much confusion. Too much pain.
But not even one of 'em ties me to any regret or even remorse.
What has been done all this while.... will burn.
I'll burn the pain away.
There's been enough shunning, self-disguise.
Continuing will only wound the scar deeper.
But these scars that haunt..... will burn.
I'll burn the scars and masks away.
There's been through much confusion. Too much pain.
But not even one of 'em ties me to any regret or even remorse.
What has been done all this while.... will burn.
I'll burn the pain away.
There's been enough shunning, self-disguise.
Continuing will only wound the scar deeper.
But these scars that haunt..... will burn.
I'll burn the scars and masks away.
There's much work to be done. And little time.
No matter how fast, time doesn't stand still.
But all that's left to be done.... will burn.
Even time will be burnt still.
The time of the burning has come.
Those that stand in the way shall set ablaze.
Let the flames begin.
It's time to burn.
No matter how fast, time doesn't stand still.
But all that's left to be done.... will burn.
Even time will be burnt still.
The time of the burning has come.
Those that stand in the way shall set ablaze.
Let the flames begin.
It's time to burn.
Burnin August [Intrological]
Nice new post title eh after so long. Hahahahaha your semi-schizo is back to fuck u readers up(and myself as well). What new? Nothin. Same old? Not really. Well, i've no idea. Be my guess to judge me, for thy shall heed no man's judgement. Ok, maybe I'll bow down to the opposing sex, but hey, at least they're appealing. Wait. I'm starting to wanderoff again. Fuck.
At last, after so long, i'd finally gotten myself some break; from school, from the city, from the stupid community that i live with, and yeah, from my own friends. Dang I need my bloody space back. As you can see, i'd been off this site for like more than 6 months. And let me tell you, after that long of not expressing self crapiness and the never-ending ideas of idiocracy for so long, it ain't a very pretty sight. In other words, I had almost lost my mind while trying trying to keep it together. Not to mention with all those utterly alien voices in my head. No, not alien voices, but familiar voices that sound so alien. It's as if I'm in some Stephen King's horror alien movie or what shit. Or maybe all this is just me. NAH, that can't be it.
People, on the other hand, they never fail to amuse me from ALL sorts of angle they POSSIBLY could. I might sound delusionally over-reacting at the moment, but there are worser things that this. Living in a community is a pain, fun or even bizarring from time to time. The point you can share anything with the commune is great; the fact that you almost can't hide anything from them is unnervingly annoying. You can never show who you really are in a community where YOU are the minority; or in other words the freak or even outcast. Logically, "Just be who you are" should work just fine, but apparently not on all occasions. Such as the case of mine. Revealing oneself at the wrong place only invites imminent danger and unwanted attention. Probably, if not of those from peer friends or the faculty, but rather from those of parents. Parents, no matter how hard you try to justify your actions to them, will also not falter in their pursuit of justifying their own beliefs unto their children; it's only natural, that they only want what's best for their child.
I, have no wish at all to oppose those of my elders, nor do I have the desire to take up the paths that they once went down. All i wish to be is what i already am, what i will be, and what i want to become. I may have not strong religious faith; I'll always admire for those who does; but with my own faith, I'll always know of what's just and what's not. With my own faith, I'll make judgements, choices, and take paths towards the future that I've always dreamt of. Fuck, now I'm really going all saint-ish all holy-ish. Crap. Gotta stop takin' that shit in the middle of the nite.
At last, after so long, i'd finally gotten myself some break; from school, from the city, from the stupid community that i live with, and yeah, from my own friends. Dang I need my bloody space back. As you can see, i'd been off this site for like more than 6 months. And let me tell you, after that long of not expressing self crapiness and the never-ending ideas of idiocracy for so long, it ain't a very pretty sight. In other words, I had almost lost my mind while trying trying to keep it together. Not to mention with all those utterly alien voices in my head. No, not alien voices, but familiar voices that sound so alien. It's as if I'm in some Stephen King's horror alien movie or what shit. Or maybe all this is just me. NAH, that can't be it.
People, on the other hand, they never fail to amuse me from ALL sorts of angle they POSSIBLY could. I might sound delusionally over-reacting at the moment, but there are worser things that this. Living in a community is a pain, fun or even bizarring from time to time. The point you can share anything with the commune is great; the fact that you almost can't hide anything from them is unnervingly annoying. You can never show who you really are in a community where YOU are the minority; or in other words the freak or even outcast. Logically, "Just be who you are" should work just fine, but apparently not on all occasions. Such as the case of mine. Revealing oneself at the wrong place only invites imminent danger and unwanted attention. Probably, if not of those from peer friends or the faculty, but rather from those of parents. Parents, no matter how hard you try to justify your actions to them, will also not falter in their pursuit of justifying their own beliefs unto their children; it's only natural, that they only want what's best for their child.
I, have no wish at all to oppose those of my elders, nor do I have the desire to take up the paths that they once went down. All i wish to be is what i already am, what i will be, and what i want to become. I may have not strong religious faith; I'll always admire for those who does; but with my own faith, I'll always know of what's just and what's not. With my own faith, I'll make judgements, choices, and take paths towards the future that I've always dreamt of. Fuck, now I'm really going all saint-ish all holy-ish. Crap. Gotta stop takin' that shit in the middle of the nite.
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