ABSOLUTION. REDEMPTION. AND A SECOND CHANCE PERHAPS.

Shit.
That's the word that has been repeatedly replaying in my mind over and over again without any mercy. Not to mention other profanities, but this one particular word is sufficient to sum it all up.

So bad, that I'm writing this friggin' thing.
So bad, that it hurts every time i try to think or even remember.
So bad, that not even a minute passes by without having flashbacks.
So bad, that I've become paranoid over the phone. Not to mention the net.
So bad, that I dunno whether the voices in my mind are even sane.
So bad, that it breaks me into pieces every time it reminds me.

I wished that night didn't even existed in the place.
I wished I had gone back early.
I wished that my fingers hadn't that itchy.
I wished my phone was dead.
I wished there would've been more people around.

But all this wishes, are just excuses.
The fact that I WANTED to be there that night didn't change.
The fact that I ENJOYED that presence.
The fact that I wanted for ALL of this to happen.
The fact that I ended the night WRONGFULLY.
The fact that I CHICKENED out from the oppurtunity.

So after this holiday, I'm gonna do it.
I won't hold it anymore because i can't stand the regression of not doing anything rather regretting on doing something.
I will fulfill the promise that I made to myself a long time ago.
I don't care whatever happens to me in the future, cause sooner or later, I'll be DAMNED anyways.

Fuck the consequences and all that shit. I don't give a damn anymore.
I just CAN'T anymore.
Not anymore.
So butcher or slaughter me if u want. ~can't feel no pain no more~
Hell, just condemn me if u will. ~makes no difference~
BUT UNTIL I GET IT DONE, NOT EVEN A SINGLE SOUL CAN LAY ME TO REST.