Lighter. Now. Alive.

After a long while, i feel like i can finally breathe again. XD

Trying.

To this day, i still ask myself; what does it mean to be a friend?
And to this day very still, i still can't answer that.

According to my own logic, i should always be wary of friends need and wishes.
But, to what extent? To what extent also should i be selfish?
Should i always never display my needs, merely following what they want?

I know that's not it, but how then? How do you differentiate selfishness and just being urself?
Is there even a difference?

This very instillment causes me so much confusion, to me and my self belief.
I know that I'm very ego-istical and hard headed, and i believe in being like that.
But yet, im not unfamiliar towards the idea of "change". Yes, i do believe in changing for the better, but is it worth it to lose my self in the process of it?

No, i'll not change when im sweet talked to or advised to.
In fact, maybe i won't change at all, but it doesn't mean I'll stay the same.

Sometimes i wonder what is it really that u want.
And sometimes, it becomes every time.
And every time, it'll only leave me speechless and confused.
And confused, cold words tend to be spoken.
And spoken, hurt will be more wounded.
And wounded, none more can be said.

U won't let me get close to u, yet u keep me close at bay. What am i supposed to do?
U know me more than u can admit, yet u ask me these things. What am i supposed to say?
U want me forget u, but u only make it complicated. How am i supposed to forget?
U deny the only thing that i want to be for u, then what am i supposed to be?
U want me to move on, yet u keep reminding me. What then?